Cemetery Etiquette

I have been pondering this issue since Dear Abby presented it to her readers. Her response was appropriate and yet all the readers’ comments were well versed and most of them made sense depending on their argument.

When I visit old cemeteries, there is a sense of nostalgia and respect that definitely defines the graveyard. Even now, many can describe the feeling of driving or walking by a cemetery as a definite departure from the usual affect of a walk by a grassy park or a golf course. So should cemeteries be used as the public park settings they once where? Should animals and children be allowed to freely roam as they might at a public park? Should walkers or joggers be allowed to use this expanse of land?

I, for one, am definitely enjoying the uniqueness that comes will celebrating lives during a funeral. However, if there was ever a sense of respect due, it is the funeral that commands respectful behavior even though many times it can be lighthearted and joyful. Respect—yes, that is the word that must be in the forefront of peoples’ minds when contemplating additional uses for a cemetery.

Dear Abby’s response: “Cemetery etiquette is simple: Treat the graves as you would the graves of your parents, or as you would like your own to be treated. This includes no loud chatter, in case there are people in mourning there, not walking on the graves, not leaving chewing gum on the gravestones, keeping pets leashed (if they are brought there at all), and teaching children the difference between a cemetery and a playground.”

I had a dream….

I had my first dream about a dead person.  No, not the kind of dream where they are living in the present day–as if they never died.  I’m talking about someone who clearly hid until now after they had seen the suffering of so many grieving family members.  It was bizarre because this family member seemed to take pleasure in the belief that so many grieved her loss.

The whole time I was dreaming, I kept thinking, “But I saw you in your casket.  You can’t be you.”  And then I woke up.   How many times do family members dream and wonder if their Loved One was really the one they buried or cremated?  Wow!  As a funeral professional, I can’t imagine never seeing a dead person before they were buried or cremated.  What a testimony of the reality of death when you view a Loved One after
their death.  So those of you who can testify to a death even though you never witnessed a body need to help me.  I’m not talking about a distant relative because they don’t touch our lives in the same way that very close and intimate relationships do.  I am talking about a significant life where you can’t imagine going forward without them.

I make arrangements for so many people that do not see their Loved Ones after their death and many times they were not even present at the time of their death.  However, I don’t usually get to follow-up with an in-depth conversation on how they are handling their grief.  I try to get an idea of how
families are doing when we talk and visit after the arrangements.  Many times I try to get a sense of how their grief is so that we can refer them to grief counseling but it is not always so obvious.  So I wonder—is seeing really believing?  Or is faith enough?